Who Put the Men in Menopause?

Read Time 4:20

Article Contributed by Hello Again and Colin Enzer

Some words are long, some are scary, and some are entirely missing from our vocabularies. For men, the word menopause hits the trifecta. It is long, scary, and missing from our vocabulary. 

For us guys, Star Wars, stocks, and a shared jealousy of Adam Levine are everyday conversations. Yet, something we surprisingly never talk about is the benefits of using cannabis-infused vaginal suppositories to help relieve our menopausal symptoms. With the word men at the beginning of the word, you would think men would be more interested in talking about menopause. In reality, most men have no idea what it means.

It is time for the talk, the menopause talk. It is the same old story of the birds and the bees, except in this part of birdhood, the mama bird no longer feels like laying eggs.

Menopause occurs when a woman no longer gets her menstrual cycle (better known to middle schoolers as her period). Symptoms can include decreased sex drive, mood changes, irritability, insomnia, mental fog, and vaginal dryness. Yep, vaginal dryness. Now do you see why most women fail to mention menopause in the family newsletters? Worst of all, these symptoms can last up to ten years. In the wise words of an anonymous 20-year-old boy, “it’s basically like a ten-year hangover.” Yes, boy, from the looks of it, it is almost like a ten-year hangover.

Ten Years! If you thought the movie Inception was unbearably long, imagine watching it 32,444 times in a row. If you were to start watching Inception at the same time a woman begins menopause, it could take up to 32,444 viewings of Inception before that woman’s symptoms are gone. Could you imagine that much Inception? How would you sleep? How would you ever relax? Not to mention the hot flashes and anxiety that come along with the movie’s suspenseful nature. Like the movie Inception, menopause can be confusing, painful, cause anxiety, and affect how you see the world. Inception can be turned off, but menopause has no remote control.

It is a pain that men will never experience, but we should still choose to understand the subject. Menopause is something that all women go through. Although we men do not worry about a hormone imbalance causing hot flashes and affecting our sleep patterns, someone we love does.

Men do not talk about menopause often, or at all for that matter. Men have it easy. Women get about twelve years to be a child, then HELLO! Womanhood strikes. From the time of their first menstrual cycle to their last, women go through a lot. They are the ones who deal with monthly cycles, birth control pills, and worst of all, falling in the toilet when we forget to put the seat down. No, being a male feminist doesn’t mean you must sit while you pee, but it does mean you need to support women. Women go through all of this, not to mention giving birth, and then between the ages of 45-55 get what? A ten-year hangover?

Done are the days where men can brush off a woman’s actions as “crazy.” Next time you hear someone say, “damn, bro, my girl is acting crazy.” Ask him this, “are you sure you aren’t just being an ignorant son of a blank? Someone who doesn’t understand the pain, mental fog, insomnia, and hot flashes that women experience due to menopause?” Give this guy a five-minute time out and a reminder that he will never be as successful as Serena Williams.

As men, we get told we can do anything. We constantly see men in the White House, running Fortune 500 companies, and even avenging their father’s death by murdering their uncle (Lion King, 1994). I am a firm believer that all people are capable of extraordinary things, regardless of gender. With that said, there are some things men will never be able to do, like give birth, or experience menopause. No matter how many masterclasses we sign up for, we will always be incapable of doing these things. The best we can do is understand how life-altering menopause is for the women we love and help them when needed. 

I will be the first to admit that until recently, I did not understand how drastically a woman’s life can change due to menopause. A ten-year hangover. Ten years. Menopause can last up to ten years. How do we expect women to effortlessly carry on with their daily lives while experiencing these symptoms?

Although men are usually solution oriented, it took two women in their 50s to successfully take on menopause. Hello Again’s products have made it possible for women to find relief in this difficult time. By creating a THC-infused vaginal suppository, they are offering women a natural way to say goodbye to mental fog and Hello Again to comfort. To any frat boys reading this, no, women won’t get high. Women will experience the ability to sleep again, relax again, and, yes, frat boys, even find their sexual drive again. It seems Hello Again may have put Menopause and Inception on an equal playing field. Although Menopause can not be turned off, temporary relief can be found. Deep down, Inception is still playing in the background, but by using a THC-infused vaginal suppository (by far the strangest metaphor for TV remote ever), at least you can mute the sound.

by Colin Enzer

Colin is a writer with a background in media and communication. Colin does not believe in camping, goat’s milk, or gender reveals, but he does believe that human beings are more powerful than they realize. Reach out to Colin at 310-310-0869 if you’d like to hear someone ramble about societal norms and the idea of happiness.

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